Late night thoughts. Creeping up, taking over,
On the edge of the day.
Getting in my head and giving me nothing good to say.
What’d I do to deserve this?
Have you even heard this?
“You’re not good enough. You’re not perfect.”
“You’re a bad person – and you know it.”
For those messed-up thoughts you had one time,
Now they’re rising to the surface.
If anyone knew, what’d they think?
You’d probably be thrown in the furnace.
Red-hot pain. You deserve this.
But wait, my therapist told me there’s nothing wrong with me.
These thoughts don’t belong to me.
They’ve just attached to me.
I’m attached to them. What’s the difference?
Does anyone know what happens in this instance?
I feel tired, I feel drowsy,
But I can’t stop myself from browsing,
On those sites that don’t do good for me,
They ain’t good for me.
Can’t you see?
Just like those thoughts I get which aren’t me.
I know what Selena meant when she sang “It Ain’t Me”.
If it was up to me,
I’d lock them away.
Never to be opened again – no way,
Making no appearance on another day.
Self-doubt. Criticism. Anxiety. Looks and body.
Throw them all away,
Replace ‘em with a new hobby.
These bad thoughts, they just aren’t me.
I don’t deserve ‘em, I don’t think.
Lived a good life without any chinks,
And I don’t mean to kick up no stink,
But I’m replacing these thoughts with new ones I like,
Ones that serve me better,
Ones that are helpful to write.
You are good. You are strong,
You’re good-looking and you do belong.
You’re not strange, or insincere.
You have no fear.
The type that stops you in your tracks,
Doesn’t let you relax,
Stresses you out to the max.
These are the facts.
Good vibes attract,
The girls you once lacked.
(And the ones you still lack – but no one needs to know that).
In those clubs that were packed,
Guys somehow grinding on their backs,
Whites, Asians and Blacks,
They got the knack,
Dunno how they do that.
But really, I don’t want that.
Getting with a girl I don’t even know yet.
Tryna seduce her for some stupid bro’s bet.
I’d rather get,
A girl that knows me,
Knows who I am and digs me,
Has seen the good, the bad and the ugly.
Wants to be with me, grow with me,
Wants to show me,
How not to be lonely and be comfortable in each other’s company.
At the same time giving us time and space,
To still be each other.
Living our lives well and with each other,
Don’t always have to be near each other.
But will forgive each other,
Dig each other,
Kiss each other and miss each other.
There’ll be no other woman I love so much,
Except for my mother.
This girl will get along with her and my brother,
That’s all I want. That’s what I desire.
Why does it feel like my heart’s on fire?
I don’t wanna be a crier.
I wanna inspire. Reach higher, be better,
Don’t have to be a famous jet-setter.
I think I’ll put all this in a letter,
And send it to the girl I want,
And then hopefully we can be together,
– – – – –
✏ Saturday, 31 March 2018 @ 3.22pm
👀 Read more poetry here.