Poem: lonely at school

I feel lonely.

Surrounded by my classmates, rows of desks placed close together.

Physically close but distant from each other.

I look around.

There’s the class clown, he couldn’t give a damn.

Casually leaning back and chewing gym, surrounded by his clam.

He doesn’t worry about exams – why should he?

What’s the f*cking point in learning about geometry?

I look around.

Everyone in their cliques.

The Asians, the quiet ones, the nerds, the cool ones.

But what group are you in, huh?

You got a couple of pals, the ones you spend most time with.

But it doesn’t look like they give much of a sh*t.

Before each lesson you play the same game…

Hmm, where should I sit? With this guy or that guy?

Does it make a difference?

I’ll still feel lonely no matter the distance

Between me and them, them and me.

Whether we’re talking or silent, I feel a boundary.

Does everyone else feel this way?

Or is it just me?

How am I supposed to ask questions like that,

Without them thinking I’m crazy?

Judging me, rolling eyes, looking down on me.

Seeing me as the brown kid who isn’t rowdy,

He does his work proudly.

He’s innocent, naive, non-threatening.

Not the type who electrifies on the sports field,

Or sets trends with what he wears?

And girls? Ha, don’t even go there.

This dude couldn’t talk to a girl if he tried,

He’s too scared. That’s the truth there.

He still looks thirteen.

Short, skinny, glasses, no facial hair,

He’s turning seventeen! I’m not joking.

He is me. I am he.

Way back at school I felt lonely.

I didn’t fit in anywhere, I didn’t feel deserving.

Had I looked a little closer,

Maybe I’d realise I wasn’t the only one hurting.

– – – – –

Written by,

Jas

aka: the awkward brown guy

✏ Sunday, 18th March 2018 @ 3.32pm

👀 Read more of my poetry here.

24 thoughts on “Poem: lonely at school

  1. School was such a mess with the clique/friend group business… I was confused about who I was supposed to be and it was hard knowing other people thought of me in a certain way depending on how they perceived me. My high school had an overwhelming number of ethnically Chinese students, both those who were American -born and those who were not. As I was American-born but the child of Chinese immigrants, I felt I did not fit in with either group and their “types”.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Not at all. You only feel like that because you are an INFP, and you haven’t been anyone else to know how it feels like to be them, that’s more self-absorption. INFJ’s seem much more “on the outside” than most and being an ENTP, I struggle with fitting in anywhere, I don’t even fit in in my own home. Just because you feel your feelings, doesn’t mean other people don’t feel it too. How can you become or expect to become less lonely focusing only on your own feelings? For there to be a bond, you need to understand other people’s feelings. It’s a two way street. I feel with an INFP’s Fi-Dom, it can become so me, me, me, open your eyes, you’re not the only one and you’re not feeling it the worst.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow – that’s insightful. I think we can become wrapped-up in ourselves, and be selfish, for sure. I’d never thought about it like that. Thanks for shaking me and offering this alternative perspective!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What is interesting to me is that, in my experience, things change a lot after you finish school. You go from seeing people everyday to wondering who your real friends are. Who will stick around? It takes a bit of effort and initiative on both ends to continue to remain friends and hang out with people well into adulthood.

    Liked by 1 person

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