An irresponsible weekend

I’m writing this on a Tuesday, after what could be described as a highly stimulating weekend. On Friday, what was meant to be a usual night in at home became a fun night of mini-golf with Girl J. I got home just after 11, so nothing too wild.

On Saturday, I was going out to chill with a friend and watch some boxing. Friday evening was the first ‘night out’ I’d had of any kind for weeks. I felt a little tired on Saturday and, truth be told, I could easily have stayed in.

That said, I did want to watch the boxing (it was a decent fight) and I’d been meaning to catch up with some friend for a while (he’d invited me to a couple of things which I’d said “no” to, due to other plans or just not being in the mood). I also called a pool place nearby which was showing the fight, and we arranged to meet there, which was perfect as it was a 15-minute bus ride, hopping on right outside my house, and hopping off pretty much outside the pool place. Ideal. I’d be home for 11/11.30 latest.

I got there, and waited for almost 15minutes for my friend to arrive. I felt a bit anxious waiting, especially in the big room amongst a few groups who had also arrived early / were playing pool.

After Friend P got there, another girl – who he seemed to know – arrived shortly after. We’ll call her Girl C. I recognised her from our gym. We’d met briefly there, and she seemed nice enough. It turns out another dude, Guy E, was also on his way. He also worked at the gym (as did Friend P), and seemed like a nice guy. If it had been two complete randoms coming, I may have felt a bit more unsettled at this turn-in-events, from what I’d been expecting was just an evening with Friend P. Besides, 4 is a small group. All good in the hood.

And then came the first mistake of the evening, which would ultimately lead to my downfall.

We went to the first bar for the first round of drinks. Friend P was buying, and he got a cider. Now I’m not a beer drinker, and not really much of a drinker anyway. I basically like whiskey/bourbon with a mixer (usually coke) – i.e. anything which could almost pass as a soft-drink or something non-alcoholic anyway.

I don’t mind cider, however. And whilst intending not to drink that night, for some reason I agreed to get the same.


Who was I tryna appease? Friend P? Girl C? I didn’t particularly want or need a cider.

Boxing done and 3 ciders later, I was ready to go out and par-tay. Predictably, after a couple of drinks, I was in the mood.

Guy E left after the boxing, and the 3 of us went out. Excited/hyper from the interaction/alcohol/music, I bought jagerbombs. 3 first. And later, 6. As Girl C and I were both single (Friend P wasn’t), Friend P was trying to put in a good word for me, and told me Girl C was a nice girl too. I wasn’t particularly interested in that way, and she felt a little too young too.

Anyhow, she did seem nice, and there was a little banter. I’ve never been one to go out, ‘bump ‘n’ grind’ (seriously, what is that about?) and end up seducing a girl. That’s just not me. But we all danced and had a good time. I’m pretty sure Girl C and Friend P came dangerously close to locking lips at one point.

The club closed at 2, and after some faffing around, and then putting Girl C in a cab, myself and Friend P shared a cab to our respective places.

I was pretty merry/drunk at this point (red bull/jaeger can’t be healthy). I remember stupidly taking a couple of detours before going home, searching for let’s just say ‘some illicit encounters’ online. Yes, I was horny. I’m pretty sure that some of my going out whilst at university, expecting something to magically happen, and then constantly being disappointed, has led to a build-up of unmet sexual feelings over the years.

Thankfully, my search for illicit activity was unsuccessful. But I got home at 5am.

Waking up the next day at around 11, I was:

– Groggy / hungover
– Thirsty – Over £100 lighter
– Without my amazing brown jumper (marino wool! I’d also lost a thermal vest the night before at mini-golf)

Why did I drink?!
Why did I have to stay out so late?!
Who do I have no self-control, even at my grand old age of 28?!

In case you hadn’t noticed, I was really angry and disappointed at myself. I had to be careful not to let my mood be completely ruined after what had been a decent week before a few wild hours on a Saturday night.

I actually journalled my thoughts and feelings the next morning, which helped. I felt it important to consciously reflect on how I felt, and hopefully make a smarter choice, in the moment, the next time.

Sh*t, I’d spent so much this weekend. I started an ‘expenses spreadsheet’ just a couple of weeks ago, to control my spending and consciously save. Especially for a guy who’s not been earning for a couple of years (Masters, then ‘doing my own thing’, then taking a career break). #irresponsible

The main take-aways for the next time, are:

– Before I go out, I need to decide what I am going to drink, and stick to that at all costs
– I can’t keep letting myself feel the need to drink, to fit in/please others
– As a sensitive guy, alcohol particularly affects me – both on the night and the next day
– I want to save money

Note: It’s frightening how easy it is to transfer money to my bank card. Maybe I should take a set amount of cash out (plus a small amount of ‘emergency money’), so I have a budget for the night, and not able to recklessly withdraw/spend more.

C’mon dude. You’re 30 in not too long. You need to get your sh*t together.

✏️ Written: Tuesday, 28th February 2018 @ 8.37pm

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What about you? 👀
Have you had a wild night out recently? What’s your outlook on ‘letting loose’ like this? I’d love to hear your stories of fun, and shame!



11 thoughts on “An irresponsible weekend

  1. U know, when you started this post…I thought ‘ omg, what irresponsible thing….I want to know..’ at the end it got really normal.
    And yeah, I guess letting loose once in a while is o.k…just don’t wear anything u love n think, can get lost..😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha – yeah, retrospectively I think it’s more than OK to have fun every so often. It was mostly that I was intending to have a quiet night, & then – yet again – got carried away and completely U-turned. 🤦🏽‍♂️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know, right?! The self-disappointment came from my being affected by others in the moment, then spending a lot and sleeping way too late (early), which affects me *big time*


  3. I feel this way sometimes after I let too loose. There’s a lot of guilt and shame when I wake up, even if I didn’t do anything that bad. I just have to tell myself that it’s okay to let go and have fun, and no one is mad at me except me. Easier said than done, but sometimes you just need to let it out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is true – others seemed to be like “What’s wrong with having fun?”, and I hardly ever do it. I just know I could’ve had equal fun being a little more responsible!

      Liked by 1 person

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